The Strongest Squishy

yourplayersaidwhat:

Barbarian: Quick, everyone get behind the alchemist. He’ll take care of this.

Me, the alchemist (ooc): You’re the tank, why are you behind me?

Barbarian (ooc): You have 112 hp and blur. I have 87 hp and not blur. You are the strongest squishy. Save our lives.

Me (ooc): I’m going to die…but alright. You are so buying me snacks while I’m rolling a new character.

*Turns to the horde of mummies. Tosses bombs. Nat 20.

Dm: Ooooookay. Time to roll that crit table.

*Dm looks down, rolls, starts laughing, and looks up.

Dm: You shall go down in legends, the alchemist that slew a horde of mummies in less than six seconds. They will build a statue for you, but instead of your name, the placard will read as a symbol of hope for spellcasters and scientists alike. The Strongest Squishy.

Bard/rouge (Ooc): And I’m going to spread the story far and wide so that everyone will know of The Strongest Squishy! Keep doing this sh*t and we’ll make a fortune.

*I went on to continue rolling hit die better than the rest of the party. In the last session of the campaign I first roll crit the god of destruction (The big bad hyped since our first session) Instant killed him, and as such was given his divine powers. As my character was chaotic good, the DM allowed my epilogue to be that as god of destruction I am worshiped by spellcasters and alchemists, and a patron to warlocks. And yes, the bard did make a fortune on the story.