owlsinyourbelfry:

AU where Clark teaches Bruce about Keyboard smashing and everyone, especially the batkids, fucking hate it

Dick, in the Batfamily groupchat : So, Jason might have just accidentally ran someone over

Jason : I didn’t run anyone over, stop being dramatic

Dick : Your motorcycle LITERALLY ran across the guy’s leg

Jason : It’s not running someone over if you don’t go over their entire body

Bruce : sjdknfjdksjskdjs Jason what have I told you about using vehicles to permanently injure criminals

Dick :

Jason :

Dick :

Jason : Never talk to me, or my motorcycle, ever again

——

Tim : WHO DID IT

Dick : Did what

Tim : BRUCE

Tim : WHO TAUGHT BRUCE ABOUT KEYBOARD SMASHING

Dick : It’s a myst-

Clark : Me.

Clark : I did.

Clark : I did Bruce.

Clark : I also told him about keyboard smashing.

Dick and Tim : CLARK-

——

Bruce : skdkskmdkrjdkdjdkdjs

Duke, crying : how do i stop him

Duke : help me, please, he’s learned how to do it in real life

——

Harvey : Bruce I need to borrow like two dollars for smthn

Bruce : Will twenty two suffice

Harvey : No just two is fine Bruce

Bruce : skdksksjsjs just take the fucking money Harv

Harvey, grabbing his pistols and stealing a car : I knew that fucking boyfriend of yours was a bad fucking influence- SIRI CALL SELINA

revolant:

like i know there are a lot of fics out there where other vulcans are all “oh man, jim kirk’s so freakin HOT how’d spock get in his pants” but IF ANYTHING it’s actually the reverse. spock shows up on vulcan one day with Jim on his arm and all the other vulcans are OUTRAGED. They’ve spent years mooning (logically) over spock’s flaxen bowl cut. his dark eyes. his slightly lax emotional control that gives him just a hint of the “bad boy” vibe that we all know vulcans secretly go wild for. Sarek receives like a thousand bonding proposals a year from VSA graduates who all have google alerts set to notify them when spock gets a new xeniobiology article published. and then they find out. that the object of their (totally logical) affections. had the equivalent of a las vegas wedding with the human captain of his starfleet ship while in the middle of a five year mission. vulcans may be too logical to riot but on that day, a good many vulcans had to meditate for an extra hour or two just to contain their rage

jascontodd:

when i’m sad i think of the time two-face kidnapped robin and he takes him to the getaway car which he has been so meticulous about defacing only half of it and jason who has been so chill the entire time is just like omfg you’re tacky and i hate you

image