tbh a lot of my advice boils down to “hey you know that terrible horrible looming thing you’re doing your best to avoid and distract and escape as much as possible but no matter what you do it just keeps looming and looming and ruining your life”
Oh my god, this is going on my list along with doesthedogdie.com
Holy shit that’s useful
I probably won’t find myself using this but for my followers: if you can’t handle this shit, USE THIS. If you think a movie or tv show may be hard to watch, do your homework.
Wizards have the same trust in magic that software designers have in software, which is to say, almost none at all.
“Are you fucking kidding me I worked in a reagrent shop for a few years I don’t trust any of that stuff. Who the hell knows what other components are in the ashes.”
“Yeah I was in the circle that made Alston’s Divine Circle of Teleportation. There’s some pretty nasty corner cases you can get into but the headmaster published it without us. I just take ships. It’s way safer.”
“I call bullshit on that Necromancer channeling spirits of loved ones. What did he say he was using? ‘Medium Conduit Ruinic Circles’? That’s just a bunch of buzzwords slapped together, and they don’t even interact with each other.”
“I’ve been looking at this scroll all morning and I’m 90% sure that the scribe didn’t even look at the standard for pyromancies.”
“Help Desk, this is Gloriline, what did you fuck up this time?” *indistinct vocals* “Dave, I’ve seen the news, and, frankly, I can see the ash cloud from here. You paid for extended support, not enabling support.”
i want to know more about charlie weasley’s friends. who the hell agrees to SMUGGLE A DRAGON across international borders on two days notice? who are these people that are willing to accept a dragon in a crate from a couple of small children, no questions asked? i need to know more, tell me about the antics of these mysterious flying dragon smugglers.
ESPCAD.
European Society for the Prevention of Cruelty Against Dragons.
Like PETA but with less grossness and more punk activism. And fire breathing dragons so like no one really fux with ‘em.
speaking as a biologist, i can guarantee i would show up without question to smuggle an endangered species that would otherwise be destroyed across national borders to a sanctuary on two days’ notice.
like. if a small child showed me a box containing a juvenile alligator snapping turtle and was like “you need to smuggle this across the continent to kansas or else it will be destroyed” i would be like “sure, would you like me to send you a postcard, small child”
I cannot help but feel that if Albus Dumbledore had known about this freelance dragon-smuggling association things might have gone very differently for Harry Potter.
“I want you to basically move this child across national borders to somewhere where they’ve never even heard of Lord Voldemort and keep him until I need him.”
“No. That’s kidnapping.”
“He’s an unwanted orphan who’ll be hunted mercilessly by Voldemort’s associates and to make it worth your while I’ll give you these very rare eggs I happen to have come across in my –
“HOW THE HELL DID THOSE GET OUT OF NORWAY okay fine. Gimme. I’ll send a card.”
The smugglers take the eggs and the kid, dropping off the kid with someone’s sister who’s already got a couple and seems to know how to manage them. They check in, though, and it turns out the kid is mega into reptiles. Can even talk to them, which makes him *very* helpful…
Ten years later everyone but Albus Dumbledore is a little puzzled as to why a kid allegedly named ‘Nils Johansson’ has come all the way from Sweden to go to Hogwarts. Nils wears glasses, has a collection of interesting scars including one on his forehead, has two pet snakes that are almost always on his person, knows everything there is to know about dragons and introduces himself to Ron on the train with “You must be Ron, your brother Charlie told me to look you up. He works with my uncle William, visits a lot.”
Hagrid recognizes him instantly, of course, but it’s when he finds out how much Nils knows about dragons that his heart is won forever.
Plot Designing 