marywhal:

i have spent an absurd amount of time ruminating on the differences between a fantasy Snickers and Just A Snickers and does this come up with joaquin at some point? taako exchanging cooking tips with his new friend one day, telling joaquin about the way to get the perfect foot on a macaron while joaquin tries to do his homework (“please taako i know kravitz is working tonight but i have a test tomorrow”) and taako mentions that he’s made fantasy Snickers flavoured macarons and joaquin’s brain gets hung up on that turn of phrase and he looks up from his textbook and says: “wait, fantasy what?”

taako: fantasy snickers? keep up, joaquin.

joaquin: no, no, no, wait—you have snickers?

taako: yes, fantasy snickers. that’s what i said.

joaquin: yeah, but like… but like snickers? like nougat, caramel, and peanuts coated in milk chocolate?

taako: yes, joaquin. that’s what a fantasy snickers is. do you want my recipe or—

but joaquin is off with the frying pan he took from the food truck because he never knows when taako is going to decide to call and it freaks everyone else out, to suddenly have an elf in their pan when they’re trying to work. he’s in the kitchen, searching for the leftover halloween candy, and hell yeah, he knew they still had mini snickers bars hanging around. he holds it up for taako to see.

joaquin: like this?

taako: why the fuck doesn’t that say fantasy on the label?

and that’s how taako adventurezone and joaquin terrero discover that the mars corporation has an interplanar travel system they’ve been using to sell their confectionery across planes for over a century.

kravkalackin:

Fact:

Barry Bluejean’s famous ‘Are You Afraid?’ question came from trying to say ‘are you okay?’ and ‘don’t be afraid’ to the boys at the same time, but he’s a nervous disaster of a man and just had to roll with it 

marywhal:

okay, one, this does sound like a very fun fic to write and it’s 100% up my alley. to the point where i might… do that.

but two, anon, did you know that i have actually written a fic that includes 9 taako-authored recipes? (most of which are written with taako assuming people are not as talented as he is.) it’s called Taste Test (They Were Delicious) and it’s up on ao3!

sunsetconcert:

So I saw a post about how Kravitz isn’t super great at his job. I thought about it a bit, and then came to the conclusion that Kravitz isn’t a normal Reaper. At least, not as far as the Raven Queen usually makes them.

Now, a normal Grim Reaper is probably something like somebody who dualclassed as a Fighter/Wizard. I don’t know if that’s possible in usual D&D terms, but I’d imagine that this sort of dualclassing makes them fairly durable and strong, with a fair amount of magical power behind them. Against people like Edward and Lydia, maybe Brody or even Gaia Sash!Sloane? That’s a good matchup. Power against power.

But picture this: You are the Raven Queen. In your tome of the dead, which lists all names of the living within its pages, you see a trio of names. They travel together, as they’re listed as working for some military organization. They’ve died anywhere from eight to fifty times over – and nobody has brought them in yet. Either your minions are slacking, or these guys are competent. Do you send the above Reaper to fight these people? No.

Because there are any number of possibilities here. Demigods? Possible. Anti-Reaper tactics? Possible. Liches? Possible. Magical armour, weapons and items? Very possible, in this era. Frankly put, the Reaper I listed above is actually really badly suited to this situation.

So you send somebody like Kravitz in. He’s not your typical Reaper, not super strong physically or magically. Instead, Kravitz is almost the opposite of that. Charming, handsome, why, that almost sounds like what a conductor should be? Kravitz is a Bard/Rogue sort of guy. He’s not too strong – but then he doesn’t need to be. Give him some nice words, a few escape routes – the perfect scout.

Kravitz is a pretty big idiot in a fight, I’ll give you that. But soon after they meet up, Taako and Kravitz start having their thing and Taako just bares his fucking soul for this Grim Reaper. Mutters about how he thinks nobody will have him. And while Merle and Magnus don’t have much in the way of major talks with him, it’s clear that they at least trust the guy.

So now, instead of a dead Grim Reaper, the Raven Queen is getting info about what these guys are. Not gods or magical item havers or what have you. But they’re making sure the world doesn’t implode, so fine – they get a pass for now. And if they ever fuck up? Well, the Raven Queen has the perfect knife hanging right above their necks, doesn’t she?

It goes even further than that – post Story and Song, Kravitz mentions having to talk to Lup and Barry about the whole being a lich thing. And honestly, thinking about it, part of me just thinks the Raven Queen went “Sure, be my new reapers and you get to live. You start work in a week.” and then left it at that. Because think about this.

The IPRE gang are super big news now. Yeah, she loses out on the whole element of surprise involving her two new Reapers, but Lup is WAY stronger than her average reaper, and Barry is a necromancer who knows their habits and is infinitely more talented in the field than anyone else she has on staff. Not only that, but they’re still pretty tight with the other IPRE people, who are tightly connected with a bunch of other people.

Taako is a brand, so if he asks you answer. Merle is raising the next generation of adventurers. Magnus is a world class fighter, and probably meets all sorts of new people. Lucretia forms the new BoB and essentially becomes the global government. Davenport travels, and has contacts in almost every port of call.

Angus Mcdonald, the world’s greatest detective. Ren, who goes on to take control of the Taako School of Magic. By extension, Refuge will always be willing to lend a hand to THB. Sloane and Hurley in Goldcliff, have equal connections to the criminal underworld and law enforcement. Lucas Miller, while not in the Raven Queen’s good books, still a damn good scientist who made a floating lab. Carey Fangbattle who comes from a family of strong warriors, and her wife Killian, who probably goes on to start a kickass combat dojo later in life. Thanks to THB, she’s got a foot in the door with Istus if you know what I mean, Pan will have a chat with her via proxy with Merle, and finally, if she ever needs a Reaper in the plane of thought? Hello there, Joaquin.

So at the end of this, just for sending in her kinda crappy Reaper and letting three random goons off the hook for dying a bunch, she’s got an information network that spreads across… Basically anywhere that happens to have mortal lives. For letting an idiot wizard, a buff dude and a crappy cleric off the hook, the Raven Queen now has the farthest reach of any deity in the last thousand years – that’s something not even the Gods of Good and Evil can claim to have.

And THAT is why she keeps Kravitz on staff.