Aragorn: too cool to say fuck except when he stubs his toe kicking orc helmets
Boromir: his dad told him he could only say it once so he’s saving it
Gimli: is too classy to say fuck
Legolas: knows about fuck but is too dense to understand why someone would use it as a curse word
Sam: rarely says fuck & is always mortified when it slips out
Frodo: legally cannot say fuck
Merry: sometimes says fuck but prefers other swears
Pippin: says fuck constantly like he’s trying to prove something
Faramir: also believed his dad & uses his 1 Fuck To Give to cuss his dad out on his deathbed
Éowyn: is too scared to say fuck until she kills the Witch King, when she loses all fear & strikes terror into the hearts of men with her foul language
Gollum: only says fuck
Galadriel: shocks everyone by saying fuck; has way better comedic timing than Gandalf
Celeborn: doesn’t say fuck & facepalms every time his wife says it
Bilbo: made the law about Frodo but says fuck all the time
actually the best part of the lotr cast commentary is getting to hear about sir ian mckellen’s gay agenda
i phrased this as a joke because it is pretty funny but its also worth reading what he said:
IAN: When I suggested to Sean that he took Elijah’s hand it was because I thought anyone who knew the book would care about the deep friendship, often of an innocently physical nature, and that might’ve been missed by two resolutely heterosexual actors who mightn’t appreciate that gay people like myself saw in a touch something perhaps more meaningful than others might. So to persuade him to touch Elijah, I’d say, “Well look, it’s in the book.”
[Sean & Elijah in a separate recording]
SEAN: Ian brought the book to me right before we shot it and he said, “Now look here, it says that Sam runs over and grabs Frodo’s hand,” he said. “The fans of the book are going to want to see that.” I sort of—I believed it, and I got a fan letter the other day that a neighbor friend handed to me, and it said how much it meant to her that Sam holds Frodo’s hand at that moment because it was something that she—it was one of the most important moments to her in the book. ELIJAH: Oh, that’s fantastic. It’s those subtle little nuances, man. SEAN: So thank you Ian. ELIJAH: That’s unbelievable.
me, looking at the current state of the world, crying:I wish none of this had happened…
Gandalf, materialising in my conscience, smiling kindly: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, besides the will of evil.
This is your friendly reminder that in the original Lord of the Rings books the forces of Sauron were not the colonialist caricatures of indigenous societies that are portrayed in every single piece of media based on the books, but rather symbolized the effect of unchecked industrialization on war.
Tolkien came up with a lot of his ideas while he was fighting in World War I. Orcs aren’t barbarians with necklaces made from teeth and badly made spears. Orcs are barbed wire and the sound of a machine gun. Orcs are the idea of crouching in a muddy trench knowing that outside there are creations you can only begin to imagine that are coming freshly-made from an assembly line with the sole purpose of trying to kill you.
honestly the funniest thing about the lord of the rings is how gandalf is literally a minor god sent to middle-earth by The Big Man Himself and yet literally nobody apart from the elves seems to recognise this or take him seriously
like yeah gandalf is pretty grumpy most of the time but how would YOU
feel if you were the fantasy equivalent of an angel and a bunch of
people who only come up to your knee were just like “oh fuck it’s that
spooky old wizard” every time you showed up for a friend’s birthday
party
I mean to be fair, he seems to actively enjoy the hobbits’ complete lack of awe, because what Gandalf loves most about hobbits is that they as a culture are 1000% unimpressed by any of the mythic-scale bullshit constantly going on right outside their borders. The thing Gandalf loves second-most about hobbits is their weed.
What gets on his nerves is the rest of the free peoples of middle earth, for whom he is constantly busting his ass and who consistently respond to his attempts to help with “why don’t you ever have any good news?” and also who don’t offer him any weed.
1) Pippin professes atheism, argues so persuasively he somehow manages to get GANDALF to second guess himself for a split second
2) “what if we put the Ring in a catapult & launched it into Mount Doom from a distance”: dismissed as a serious plan very quickly due to high margin for error but the argument simmers for several days as Gandalf refuses to concede that it would work in theory. (Pippin also started this one.)
3) Who Started It: Legolas or Gimli edition
4) Who Started It: Merry or Pippin edition
5) Who ate the last *insert food item here* I know it was one of your four FESS UP (one time it was actually Gandalf, he never fessed up)
6) Legolas is mad at Gimli but whenever anyone asks why he just says ‘the dwarf knows what he did’ (Gimli hasn’t a clue)
Somebody made Sam cry one (1) time early on & after that every time he cries the entire company starts slinging accusations like there’s no tomorrow
Further thoughts:
1) although Pippin started the catapult argument the ppl who keep it going are Frodo and Boromir (both of whom were momentarily 100% down with it until they realised what a horrible idea it would be in practice, ie miss & the Ring is just lying about in Mordor for any orc to grab)
it’s all fun and games till one of the hobbits calls beards ‘unsightly’ and Gimi shoots back ‘that’s a bit rich coming from someone with that much fOOT HAIR’ and after that it is fucking ON and once the dust settles certain people don’t speak to certain other people for like 3 days
Sam: *bursts into tears because idk he just does that sometimes*
Frodo: For fuck’s sake Sam just yesterday you were crying about snakes.
While talking with the Hobbits, Tom Bombadil puts on the One Ring. For a moment, all of the Nazgul burst into merry song. It is never discussed among them again.
Plot Designing 